turn me on my head

I start too many fucking sentences like this, but, I mean, sunglasses indoors makes me feel like I could do anything. I could look directly at someone and they wouldn't have a clue. I promised myself I wouldn't write that word. But lets contemplate this. Like I said, I could look at anyone and be so person aware. I begin to second guess myself.
Is the tilt of my head too on point? Are my lens' dark enough, or are they cheap like tinted car windows for normal people? Jesus, she tells me keyboards are faster than this. Well I think she is wrong. Words fucking drip and my knuckles and sides of my fingertips begin to burst. You know, how you hold a pen. Three magical indents. When I was younger, teachers told me I don't hold a pen right. It's because I strangle it by the neck. Ink splurges. Blood resides. Can you feel that with some plastic keys? This is permanent - this is print - this is what I lug around. And not to be cliche, but this is my baggage and it's carry on. I've said this all before, right?
Stream of consciousness running around. But how can I stay in the lines when there are no lines on this page?
Laying in bed, you told me you liked this song. Even though that song reminds me of my youth and being naive. Who am I kidding? It still kills me. How about that? Jesus.
This song is all too fucking cliche for right now - for you - for me - Jesus, Fuck, Shit.
I like that pattern of words.
Now I really can feel the heat of people starting to see me. See that's the thing about keyboards, you're behind them. It is so ridiculously easy to shock people. Why is it so hard to for it to hit me like a bombshell. Bombshell beauties and panicky turtles.
The truth is, I hate to recycle words. I really am a Freudian slip and all of this is garbage. Lying for a living; he's right.
The thing is though, keyboard wordplay gives me incentive. Strike a nerve. But here, I could vomit all over these pages. These words are bulimic by now.
I'll never reread this anyway. I lie. Of course I will.
This doesn't get me anywhere. My leg has fallen asleep. Pins and needles. And I have arrived.
Stop now.