2 train apology

I swear this is like meeting up with an old friend. So much time has passed between the two of us and you begin to feel the wetness between your fingers. Your heart really starts taking off and you're wondering what she'll look like and how she'll wear her hair. Now what am I talking about? I'm talking about words and how this feels like an orgasm pulsating across the page.
In the midst of "living" you really begin to lose yourself and the letters on this page begin to stop making sense. And that's okay with me.
It doesn't have to make sense and it doesn't always have to be organized and it doesn't always have to have a lead that bleeds. I'm realizing now that there is room for this in my life.
How would I have forgotten about you?
Now I'm in pain.
I've been cheating on myself for months now. Come back to your roots, says the screaming in my head. I brought you into this world - and every time I would come back to you I feel sheer abandonment. This is why I never grow.
It's the same story told one hundred times over.
Just this time forgive me - embrace me - tell me it's okay to cry.